Friday, 8 July 2011


Everyone should be allowed to name 5 jobs that they would rather live on benefits than do, and face no ethical or social repercussions. Working in a slaughterhouse and a call centre are on my list so far, but while job seeking yesterday found a new one. I say job seeking, actually I was shopping while keeping half an eye out for "staff vacancy" signs. Anyway, I found a new addition to my list.

The beauty industry is constantly looking for new and desperate ways to flog their useless therapies and treatments, whether it's shampoo with "pearl protein" or "coffee extract", or making up scientific words complete with CGI graphic explaining how "pentapeptides" (not recognised by Chrome spell check, I might add) fill in the vast gorges in your face like some kind of anti-ageing poly-filler. Anyway, the most recent phenomenon that represents both a desperate attempt to come up with something new by the beauty industry and a massive success for advertising as well as the gullibility of the British public, is having people PAY MONEY to have their feet eaten at by fish. I cannot imagine anything worse than putting my feet in a tank of water filled with animals and have them nibble away at my feet. If it was on I'm A Celebrity people would be cringing and gurning at the disgusting trial, yet the people who decide what's good for you have actually managed to make people pay for this. If anything they should pay you. You are, after all, feeding their fish. It's a bit like when you go to a petting zoo and they charge you for animal food to feed their animals with.

I'm also surprised this has succeeded on animal rights grounds. What kind of life is it for a fish living in a  boring plastic tank having the disgusting feet of shoppers? If that was on I'm A Celebrity...

And what's more weird is not that these places were conceived of, but that they've spread all over the country to ordinary people who shouldn't be pretentious enough to buy in to such rubbish. Now they're a common feature of every Mall. Primark. Starbucks. HMV. Hungry-fish-foot-eating place. Argos. Superdrug...

So working in one of those places goes on my list. I would rather stand in a dole queue than suffer the indignity of saying the words "this is where you put your feet so the fish can eat them" or "is this the first time you've had your feet nibbled at by fish?".

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