Who is Rebecca Black? Her name has been popping up like a whack-a-mole these last few days so I investigated. I was unsurprised to discover that, like every new name that appears these days, she is 'the new teen pop sensation'. Popstars, like Sharon Osbourne, seem to be getting younger all the time. Jedward came along a couple of years ago, and have some how managed to extrapolate their unjustly-assigned 15 minutes of fame to stretch longer than their lack of talent had the novelty value to stretch. They were like a 'new' Cheeky Girls. Younger, more identical and worse singers. But next to the influx of new child stars, swarming into the charts like a tsunami of pre-pubescent trash, Jedward look like ageing pop veterans, like the exhumed corpses of the Rolling Stones which gyrate around the stage, crumbling skeletons with too much skin hanging off them.
It began with Bieber. The YouTube star shot to fame at about fifteen, and although he's now seventeen, he still looks about five years younger and sums up the cynical marketing of the music industry aimed squarely at the pockets of gullible teenage girls and their long-suffering but problem-fuelling parents. (See 'Pop Song' by Jon Lajoie)
Then came the Smith children. They have been around for a while, granted, but generally just in an acting capacity. The only problem I have with child actors is they tend to be awful (see Jake Lloyd from Phantom Menace), but I accept the need for children to act in things, unless they want to start using dwarfs instead, or reverse-ageing Brad Pitt like they did in Benjamin Button. But now the Smiths are doing music too. 12 year old Jaden is in a Bieber track at the moment, presumably to make Bieber look older. If fact, Bieber is now bordering on the above-mentioned Rolling Stones analogy. And his 10 year old sister has just released her second single, the video for which includes a toddler, the only way they could possibly make her look older without putting her next an embryo.
Willow Smith poses a challenge for music executives. There are few, if not no, young women in the charts who are not heavily sexualised in their lyrics and branding. The willingness to avoid this is probably why Willow ended up with the bizarre 'Whip My Hair' song.
Another up-and-coming 'sensation' is Grayson Chance, the 11 year old who did a (rather good) live rendition of Lady Gaga's Paparazzi at a school talent show and is now rather famous for it.
Where will it end? The 'internet sensation' of that 'Charlie bit me' kid getting autotuned in a pop song? Will they keep getting younger? Will parents get a pre-emptive record deal before trying for kids? Is anyone else struggling to remember a time when kids were pleased to get their 25m swimming certificate or do well in a spelling test, without needing to have had a top ten hit by the time they start high school? Well, I'll tell you where it will end: Rebecca Black.
Rebecca Black, remember that name.. 15 000 000 hits on YouTube since her video was uploaded last month.
In many ways this is the end result of the teen-pop trend. Is it a parody? Is it real? Does it really matter? If it's real then God help us all. My first impression was that it's not real. The video is insanely cheap and tacky and the lyrics are so awful they can surely only be parody? The miming is awful and the vocals like the Crazy Frog mixed with tinnitus. Also, she looks a bit older than 13. In fact, I thought it was so clearly a parody I felt slightly embarrassed for all the people seriously dubbing it the 'worst pop song ever'. Either way it is the end result of the pop industry going crazy and either producing this, or driving someone else to.
It turns out the truth may be somewhere between the two. According to the Independent (yes, I couldn't believe they were covering this either, with all the uprisings, cuts and natural disasters going on) http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/the-worst-pop-song-of-all-time--10-million-youtube-hits-for-rebecca-blacks-friday-2245353.html the song comes from a 'music factory' where rich parents (of presumably 'Super Sweet 16' level spoil brats) pay to have their spawn record a song and star in a music video, possibly in the hope of getting noticed. This has certainly worked for wee Becky, although for all the wrong reasons. Having said that, she'll probably still get a record deal and make millions, thus the hideous cycle continues.
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Friday, 18 March 2011
Sunday, 6 February 2011
Do Peas belong in a bowl?
I just watched the superbowl. Ok, so I only watched the half-time show. I don't know the rules, nor had I heard of either team, so it would have been a waste of electricity. But I did watch the half-time show, because the Black Eyed Peas are something of a specialist subject of mine.
Afterwards, Twitter was ablaze with the opinions of nobodies like myself on the performance, pretty evenly split between those who thought it had been conceived in the fiery bowels of Satan, and those who thought it was alright, and frankly I can see where both lots were coming from. On the one hand, it was an undeniably spectacular show, with what appeared to be oompa-loompas at Christmas prancing around, and what's not to love about Usher descending from the sky like a hip-hop angel?
But on the other hand, I think it's fair to say live vocals are not da Peaz (yes, I'm gangsta. What of it?) strong point. Despite criticism, I thought Fergie sounded, well, Fergalicious, and managed to hold her own vocally. And the older numbers like 'Where is the Love' and 'Pump It' sounded good, but the problem is, songs from the E.N.D and The Beginning tend to have been auto-tuned so much that the original sound is completely lost, so even if they give a strong vocal performance it sounds nothing like the original song. 4 mediocre vocalists trying to imitate R2D2 at the opera is not going to produce results that are easy-on-the-ear. Having said that, Will and Apl didn't give strong vocal performances by any standard, and managed the difficult feat of rapping out-of-tune. To be fair, there were, apparently, some technical difficulties, but you can't deny that they should probably stick to the recording studio, where their voices can be regulated before being inflicted on unwitting viewers. Problematically, the person who booked them obviously didn't do their research. Watch any live BEP performance and it sounds like that. It's should have been expected.
Whoever is in charge of the BEP Twitter account had a tough job retweeting positive comments, because I'm guessing they had to sift through the less positive ones first. In the name of unbiased media I will now share some of my favourite...less positive comments:
EugeneMirman: I'm afraid if the Superbowl is being broadcast into space, aliens will interpret this Black Eyed Peas performance as an act of war.
This one takes the biscuit:
Edit:I forgot this one:
Afterwards, Twitter was ablaze with the opinions of nobodies like myself on the performance, pretty evenly split between those who thought it had been conceived in the fiery bowels of Satan, and those who thought it was alright, and frankly I can see where both lots were coming from. On the one hand, it was an undeniably spectacular show, with what appeared to be oompa-loompas at Christmas prancing around, and what's not to love about Usher descending from the sky like a hip-hop angel?
But on the other hand, I think it's fair to say live vocals are not da Peaz (yes, I'm gangsta. What of it?) strong point. Despite criticism, I thought Fergie sounded, well, Fergalicious, and managed to hold her own vocally. And the older numbers like 'Where is the Love' and 'Pump It' sounded good, but the problem is, songs from the E.N.D and The Beginning tend to have been auto-tuned so much that the original sound is completely lost, so even if they give a strong vocal performance it sounds nothing like the original song. 4 mediocre vocalists trying to imitate R2D2 at the opera is not going to produce results that are easy-on-the-ear. Having said that, Will and Apl didn't give strong vocal performances by any standard, and managed the difficult feat of rapping out-of-tune. To be fair, there were, apparently, some technical difficulties, but you can't deny that they should probably stick to the recording studio, where their voices can be regulated before being inflicted on unwitting viewers. Problematically, the person who booked them obviously didn't do their research. Watch any live BEP performance and it sounds like that. It's should have been expected.
Whoever is in charge of the BEP Twitter account had a tough job retweeting positive comments, because I'm guessing they had to sift through the less positive ones first. In the name of unbiased media I will now share some of my favourite...less positive comments:
EugeneMirman: I'm afraid if the Superbowl is being broadcast into space, aliens will interpret this Black Eyed Peas performance as an act of war.
If mubarak was smart he'd have gotten the Black Eyed Peas to empty out Tahrir Square two weeks ago
The Black Eyed Peas had the worst half-time show ever. I think my ears are still bleeding.
If fergie yells in the microphone one more time my face will explode into a million pieces
Can fergie have a technical malfunction and lose her microphone?
After the #BlackEyedPeas' halftime show performance, all 4 members have been arrested and charged with Cruel & Unusual punishment
This is like a Nazi rally but with worse music. #blackeyedpeas
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